Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Bit of shameless showcasing.

Bit of shameless for the larger version

Absence Meeting.

Had a team meeting today, which went really well. For one thing, our team is so far ahead of the others, I don't mean to sound big headed, but we already have our concept document, concept art (more on this later), and have already pretty much got our engine figured out. W0000000000000t!!!11!!!1!1!! Lance has got down on paper the first 2 levels, and bearing in mind the game will only have 3, we are pretty much done on that front. He's produced a concept document, which has to be handed in next Wednesday. The good thing is that we will hardly have to change anything before hand in, which is always good.

Sarah showed some absolutely amazing character concept art, it's stunning! She really is such a talented artist, and I'm so happy that she is the head of our art team, I just hope we (the art team) can do her concepts justice. Ollie's been working on trigger events and lip synching, I modeled, textured, rigged and animated a character and popped him into the game engine, the other Dan produced a really nice looking level..with a super sexy 3D skybox, while Leander is certainly on top of the programming. Of course there were some members who decided that they didn't need to do these tasks; sure they were only tests, but if someone isn't going to produce test work, what's to say they'll produce the final assets?

I'm really really stoked right now, it's so cool that this game is finally moving from words on paper to actual visual assets...I can't wait to get started!!

We've organized a trip around Manchester next Monday to gather some reference material and textures. After which I think the team is off back to Lance's for some films and food. Sounds damn good to me.

If you want to see Sarah's fab art, which I'm sure you do, then the magical web number you need is: (concept art is in the MEDIA section)

That is all.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Bloody hippies.

"He's turning into a bloddy hippy"...First of all F*CK YOU A**EHOLE. Shows how much you bloody know. Why am I letting the opinion of a drunk get to me? Why do I care? Well, because I do. We've never really got on, in all truthfulness I don't think we're ever really got to know each other. I'm not sure either of us want to either. He's the type of guy who I wouldn't have anything to do with, if I had a choice. He's not a particularly bad man, just a nob. Our opinions aren't the same, but he's the type to make you feel like you are in the wrong for not agreeing. I hate people like that.

I don't want to end up like him. Alone. Job that's going nowhere. I guess he's just lonely. I know for myself already how much company alcohol can offer you. I guess I can't really blame him for not wanting to be alone. God knows I feel like that. From a young age I made the point that I wanted to prove to myself that I could be a better man than him. I'd try to do everything I wanted him to do, but he never did. Do I feel like I'm missing out, like I've missed out? Not really. It's hard to miss out on something you never had.

I told a friend about my plans for what happens if I see my life heading in his direction. He thought it was a crap plan. He's more than likely to be right. I shouldn't care about people, because as soon as I do that means that they are too good for me. As soon as I care then it's thin ice. I start wanting them, and of course that feeling isn't mutual. And it's not nice being on the outside looking in, wishing for something that is never gonna happen. Pull yourself together you silly sod.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

An afternoon in Leeds with Phill, Neil and Pruv.

Phill, Neil and myself spent the afternoon in Leeds today. We were mainly going because I wanted a new deck, I sure as hell NEEDED one. The motorway wasn't too bad, and after about 10 minutes of driving around the one way system in the city centre we find Phill's secret free car park. First stop is TK Max, where among other items we find some very snazzy Puma 'Puma Cat' shoes...they look circa 1986. That's serious style ever, seeing as I've got my lil bluetooth dongle now, I took a piccy on my phone, and here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Believe me, they were so much more stylie in real life than you can possibly imagine.

So after browsing around for a bit, I find a SHORTY'S in shops these things retail for anywhere between £50-£60....I manage to pick one up for the grand sum of £16.99. I can go out in winter now and be toastie warm :)

Walked past *fast food establishment* on the way to the skate shop, and what do we see? I'll tell you, we see a man in a giant tomato suit....of course being in a snap happy mood I took a snapshot to prove to you that I wasn't drunk or on drugs at the time .

After much umming and arring I pick my deck, we go get some lunch, laugh at all the cocks standing outside the Corn Exchange, then head back to the car.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful, apart from the BEST street sign I have ever seen. Call me immature, I don't care.

And here's my new deck (and my feet). I'd already given it a quick skate which is why there are some scratches on there already. All in all a rocking day.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Blood and flesh and free car parts.

Ok, first up some recent skate-related grazes, scratches, and scars etc etc that I thought I'd share. I'm sure you are all really eager to see, so here we go:

my lower back

bit of a close up

right shin

left knee

In other news, I might just of bagged myself some free car parts. There's a shop, and I was really cheeky and asked if they would be interested in having their website redesigned, as their current one kinda left a lot to be desired. Spoke to the owner today, and he says he'll let me have some free bits and pieces once the new site is all set up. Have to see how that one pans out.

Going over to uni tomorrow, gonna hook up with some mates, then find out if I'm all registered and enrolled properly, and hopefully get my hands on a timetable, we're meant to start back on Monday and I still have no clue what my timetable is....

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunday Afternoon.

Got up around lunchtime, which has become the norm for me over these past 6 months, which is how long I've had off uni for the summer. Sure as hell beats the measly 6 weeks kids get off from schools. It's gonna be such a shock to the system though come a week on Monday when I have to get up and drive over to Manchester. All those motorway miles looming over me again. Having said that, I never really mind the drive, I get to go right over the tops of the Pennines, which is really stunning countryside, and it's cool to see the progression of the seasons taking affect. From being completely snow-covered, to being a lush green. Gives me time to think too, anyway, I'm going off topic here.

Yeah, so I get up, come online and Neil is on MSN, asking me if we're still going skating today. Of course I reply positively. I tell him I've gotta ring Phill see what he's up to, then I'll get back to him and let him know. Spend about 10 mins on the phone to Phill, he ain't up for skating because his heels still playing up; I get back to Neil, and within 10 mins we're skating at Chads. Now the Ashes win has inspired every kid to play cricket, right where we usually skate, so we decide to pop down into the town centre, which is always dead on a Sunday afternoon.

Call in at HP to get a drink and sandwich, and to take a photo of a running lady, accordingly dressed in running attire. Here she is:

So we head off into town, and we are both like kiddies in a sweet shop. Everywhere you look is completely empty, with only the odd car driving through every now and again. By the council building there's these lil planter things, and some one had waxed up the side of them, so after loads of really nice noseslides we head across the road to the carpark. Never really skated there before, but the ground is so smooth, the curbs would be really nice too if they were waxed, and there's a really nice wall gap that I wouldn't mind trying if we can get some sheets of ply wood from somewhere. We walk over to Tesco, and get abuse from some 6 year olds calling us 'moshers' Neil pointed out the only 'moshery' thing about us was that we had boards, but that would make us skateboarders, which is what we are. Stupid kids.

We walk across to the infamous 'gap', and the fucking things totally grown over, there's like a tree right in the way. You really wouldn't know it used to be skate-able, then again, we haven't really been down that way for about 3 or 4 years, so I guess the tree thought it could move in. We ended up skating at this factory with some other lads. Neil had a sweet run of 180 flipping up some curbs, and then back down again. We laughed at how the other lads were doing proper tricks whereas we just do whatever, we don't even know the name of stuff anymore.....true veterans lol.

So, all in all, a pretty damned good day, at least it got me out of the house, which is always good, and I'm starting to get fit again; again, always good.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Lords of DogTown.

I had a 'buy one ticket, get another one free' token for the cinema, and it needed to be used up by the end of September, so yesterday night myself and Phill went to see 'The Lords Of DogTown'. It wasn't showing at the place I usually go to, so we had to venture to the one on the other side of Bradford. Well we got there easy enough without getting lost, paid our money, got our free ticket, we walk into screen 11 (where our film was showing) and it's empty. Completely empty. There's not a single soul there to see this film apart from us. This had never happened to me before, but it was so cool having to whole place to ourselves. We could sit where we wanted, talk as loud as we wanted, not have to put up with annoying kids, or the couple in the back row who are getting it on no matter which cinema you go to. Pruvaloo's decided that this is a rocking way to see films.

The film itself was good, very good - put me in the mood for a skate sesh straight afterwards. I came outside and the night was so beautiful, there was a clear, dark sky illuminated by a bright full moon. As I was being propelled homeward at just over 110mph I looked out of the window. The night was so still and calm, the lights at the side of the motorway where warm yellowy-orange dots, appearing for a fraction of a second, and then disappearing far behind us into the night. There's something appealing about the way tarmac looks at night. Empty, still, and bathed in warm light. I remember thinking the same thing once when I was in Wales.

It was the night before you're 17th birthday, and we decided to go for a drive. Well, it was about 11 when we set off, and we just drove around for hours. I really enjoyed that night. Midnight came, and you turned 17. I wished you happy birthday. That night was so perfect. Things have changed now, but I bet those roads still look the same.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Well what a difference a day makes...

About half an hour I was walking through town. Someone send me a text, using a phrase I'd forgotten about. Well, let me explain, it's a phrase taken from a skate film, and we used to say alternate lines to each other. Sounds pretty dull heh. The point is when I read her message it brought such a smile to my face. Made me think about last summer, and how cool it was, how happy we both were. So as I carried on walking I started thinking: I had the sun shining down on me, I was at uni doing what I wanted to do, there's everychance I'll be able to get a job doing what I want to do, and of course I'd remembered my phrase.

Life can seem pretty hard at times, but I guess for the majority of the time it's only as complicated as we make it for ourselves. At the end of the day, no matter how much a person hurts you, if they think about you enough to stay in touch, then they can't be all bad right. And so long as you have people who think about you, and you are basically doing what you want with your life, then you haven't gone far wrong. This is quite an extreme U turn in my emotions, but I get that. One minute I'm euphoric, the next I'm in the depths of depression. The sun's shining really brightly today - that always picks my mood up.

So all is well, for the time being anyway, and incase you want to know the phrase, here it is:

person 1: There's a house on fire!

person 2: What kind of house?

person 1: A terraced house.

person 2: Where?

person 1: Sidcup!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Strong Reactions.

"Left all alone to bear your soul
And the feeling in your heart is low
I've hurt so many times this way
And I see us all but slip away
And I want it back right now and

I walk alone through the sleet and snow and pouring rain to
Get my heart broken, forever ever lost inside of
I walk along to slip and fall on strong reactions
Keep my heart broken, never ever amend myself
That's alright and that's okay

Of all the times I've sated free
You ask for things I cannot be
And I've read so many times before
And I see it all drop out the door
And I want it back right now and

I walk alone through the sleet and snow and pouring rain to
Get my heart broken, forever ever lost inside of
I walk along to slip and fall on strong reactions
Keep my heart broken, never ever amend myself
That's alright and that's okay

Left all alone to bear your soul
And the feeling in your heart is low
And I've seen so many passing ways
And I see our whole lives slip away
And I want you back right now and

I walk alone through the sleet and snow and pouring rain to
Get my heart broken, forever ever lost inside of
I walk along to slip and fall on strong reactions
Keep my heart broken, never ever amend myself
That's alright and that's okay"

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Last September.

I was meant to be going down to stay on Tuesday night, I'd stay all Wednesday too, and set off home on the Thursday morning. We ended up having an argument on the Sunday night. I didn't eat much on Monday, and I don't think I ate anything the day after that. All day I harbored such a deep sickly feeling. I couldn't concentrate on anything.

I remember setting off on that journey. It was rush hour, and would take me a good 2 hours to get to where I was going. I didn't care how fast I drove, I just wanted to be there. I couldn't wait in the traffic, I couldn't keep stopping and starting and crawling along at 3mph...I just wanted to get there NOW. I know it sounds weird, but at the same time I didn't want to get there quickly. I didn't ever want to get there. I knew that once I did then things would only get worse. At least I still had something at this point. Sure it could be better, but it could be worse too. I was trapped in a no-man's land. Not wanting to drive another mile, while not being able to stop even for a minute. I just wanted time to stop right there. If the world had suddenly imploded and we had all been wiped out, right there, right then, I wouldn't of minded. I wanted someone to find the pause button and press it so I wouldn't have to deal with this feeling. Unfortunately for me no one did press pause.

By the time I got into Wales it was starting to get dark, and there was a light drizzle in the air - how very apt. The street lights looked beautiful that night. I always love being out in the car at night, I always have done since I was a kid. The line of bright red brake lights burning into the night infront of me offered a feeling of warmth and comfort. They really were beautiful. I hadn't realized it until now, but I had been listening to the same song on repeat for my whole journey. From Manchester to Wales listening to one sinlge song, and I was too out of my head with worry that I hadn't noticed until now. The song was 'White Trash Heroes' by Archers of Loaf. I'll never forget being in slow traffic crawling up the hill and hearing the familiar bass-line coming
from the boot of my car. Past the quarry, left at the cross roads by the church, right into the shared drive way, ok I'm finally here, this is it.

"Have you been cutting yourself?" "I'm not going to answer that." "Thats a yes then eh?" "You know me that well don't you." I certainly do. Well I did, I'm not sure I do anymore, and I reckon that you're probably glad that I don't, and I can't blame you for that.

Both of you're arms were cut to fucking ribbons. Red lines running from about mid-way between the shoulder and elbow to just above the wrist. You're arms where so badly cut up, and it was my fault. It was all my fault. The guy who'd told you he loved you, and he'd do anything for you, and he'd be there to help and support you as best he could - he was the one who caused all this. The one person I was meant to look after, and look what a great job I did. You've got
to believe me that I never meant for this to happen, honestly I didn't, and if there was anything I could do to change things you know I would. Not just this, but everything in you're past that you've been through. You know I would change that if I could. But I couldn't then, and I can't now. Just one more thing to add to that long list of things that I'm unable to do - or unable to do properly. There's a right way to do something, and a ton of wrong ways. My way is always one of the wrong ways. It isn't intentional, it's just one of those things I guess. It was my fault, and I can't hurt myself enough to ever make that 'ok'.

I didn't sleep that night, you kept telling me that everything would be ok now. Part of me wanted more than anything to believe you, but there was part of me that knew you were just saying that. I tried to fool myself into thinking things would get better, and it kinda worked...but not fully. I backed the car up, stopped and looked up at your window. That room that I'd spent so much time in, where some of my happiest memories took place, where we'd stand and look out at the night. Your curtains were still pulled on. That window looked very depressing all of a sudden. I carried on backing the car up, turned it around, and I was just about to pull onto the road when I took a look back. You'd come to the window. You mouthed out the words 'I love you'. I did the same. That was the last time I saw you. I made it as far as Tesco's carpark before I had to pull in, tears were running down my face. I don't remember much of the drive
home. I hadn't slept at all, and I hadnt eaten anything since Monday night. My vision was blurred from the tears. Anything could of happened on that journey and I wouldn't of been any the wiser about it. I ended up driving straight past the junction where I needed to come off the motorway, so I had to drive all the way around Manchester again to get back on the right track.

I know you'll never read this, but I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Reunited for an evening.

I got an invitation a few months ago from a guy who I went through high school and college with, it was for his 21st birthday. Well I'm just about ready and will be setting off in about half an hour, but that invitation made me think about a few things.

I'm going to see people who I haven't spoken to for 2 years, and these weren't just people who went to the same college I did, these people were, and are, my friends. All of them live within 15 minutes walk of my house, but it's just weird how people seem to drift apart. It's a nice feeling to realize that someone who isn't in regular contact with you has remembered you, and taken the effort to invite you to be part of something.

This lad will remember his 21st for his whole life, and I'm going to be part of that - I'm going to be one of the faces he associates with this milestone birthday. And I think that's really cool.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

An old friend.

These past couple of days I've been getting reacquainted with an old friend. Her name is 'skateboarding'. I've devoted many years of my life to her, she's introduced me to some fantastic people, and places. She has given me memories that I will enjoy for the rest of my life.

She can be a harsh mistress sometimes - cuts, grazes, bruises etc...who needs razor blades when you can shred your skin on asphalt, but she also rewards the people who are loyal to her. She gives you a feeling that can't be matched. No matter how much you pay the local drug dealer he WILL NOT be able to sell you that shit. No way.

Skating was the main way for me to unload stuff for years, it allowed me to be creative, to be with friends, hell, just to be outside in the fresh air and fine weather. It also gave me the mentality that I have today. A 'normal' person may look at architecture and see a building, or a car park, or a set of stairs...I look at the same thing and see lines. I see how I can flow from one area to another. I see how I could do X, Y or even Z over that bank, down those stairs, or over that curb. It lets you see beauty in places that normally don't have beauty.

It's been one of the things that has always been there for me. It's one of the things that won't leave me when someone better comes along. It's one of the things that I won't drive away - no matter what. I'm not inferior to skating - her and me are equal. We're the couple who can't be broken apart. Sure we have our arguments, we've even had separations. But you know what? At the end of the day, she's in love with me, and I'm in love with her.

Skateboarding is an old friend.

Friday, September 02, 2005

A friendly dilemma...

I realize I'm turning into a blog-whore but it's a kinda stable footing for me at the moment. Anyway, let's suppose Pruvaloo has a friend. Let's suppose this friend is a boy, and his name is 'Friend A'. Let's also suppose that Pruvaloo has another friend. This friend is a girl, and her name is 'Friend B'. Now, this is the problem:

'Friend A' and 'Friend B' are very close friends with each other, however, 'Friend A' wants there to be more to it than that. He knows there is a friendly affection between himself and 'Friend B', but he doesn't know if she feels the same way about him.

He is also scared that if he tells her, it will wreck their friendship, or at the least, things won't be able to go back to how they were. And he would rather have 'Friend B' as a friend than risk loosing her. But if he doesn't tell her how he's feeling he sure as hell won't have any chance of going out with her.

So what does 'Friend A' do? Keep suffering in silence, dreading the day that 'Friend B' introduces a new boyfriend.

Does he tell 'Friend B' how he feels and risk having to deal with the feeling of rejection - and just to make things more complicated lets throw in a whole load of self confidence issues on the side, so that those feelings of rejection would just add to the levels of depression he is already feeling - or worse maybe loosing her as the close friend that she is?

Does he wait and hope that someday 'Friend B' will approach him and say "Hey, 'Friend A', erm, I've liked you for so long, do you erm, y'know, wanna go out with me sometime?"

Pruvaloo isn't going to get involved, not just yet. Right now he's just going to sit back and observe, but anyone had a similar problem? Anyone had to tell one of their friends the same thing that 'Friend A' wants to tell 'Friend B'?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

A night in a stretched limousine...

It was a milestone birthday in the family a couple of days ago (personally I think every birthday is a mile stone, but that's a topic for another day) so the immediate family on my mum's side had a meal out tonight. In a stretched limousine. :D

Pruvaloo could get used to having doors held open for him while soft gray leather seats cushion him. I don't know if anyone's ever been inside one, but they are fantastic. The whole right hand side was a bar, free champagne on ice, cocktails, mixers, you name it. Oh and sweets for my little 6 year old cousin. I think she liked the free sweets more than the ride, bless her.

After cruising past every passer-by, who instantaneously stopped and stared we arrived at the restaurant - their Mediterranean vegetable and Brie open pie with blanched carrots and new potatoes is, quite simply, to die for.

We pulled back up at the house, and the driver gave us 3 full bottles of champagne, so guess what Pruvaloo is going to be drinking in the near future! I've been posting up a lot of piccies lately, and tonight will be no exception. Except I'm only gonna post up one, that way everyone should be able to load it.

I can feel the happy buzz of the alcohol slowly wearing off. I'll have to do something about that.