i was walking through town on saturday night. heading to sainsbury's to buy beer and pizza, and olives because who needs to take drugs on a saturday night when you can have olives? a group of girls walk around the corner, as i'm passing one says "i like your top". if the girl had been in her 20s i think i would of asked if she would like an olive. i was feeling boisterous and in the mood to throw caution to the wind (in the limited way that i do occasionally - before deciding it's a silly mood to be in - and going to find the caution that i was throwing just seconds before)

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i'm considering shaving my head. not all the way smooth, but pretty short. i found a cheap clipper set on ebay and have it saved in my basket. not made the purchase as yet though because i have some concerns. concerned i will make myself look like a massive fucking idiot. having said that i make myself look like a massive fucking idiot daily, so i think this shouldn't be such a concern. i feel like a massive fucking idiot daily as well.

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what get's me is that i can look back and be amazed that i didn't say the things i wanted to say to a number of people because, i'm not sure really, i guess because i was worried about what they would say back, so instead of letting them know i just let things carry on. i get angry at myself for the texts i took too long to reply to. and for the weekend meetups that i never got around to arranging. needless to say all those people concerned have now moved on and i've lost contact with them. i could make the first move but i never make the first move. i always think that it won't be appreciated, afterall it's quite rude to just pop up out of the blue without an invitation, and while i would be happy if they were to do that to me (because they are nice people) i don't think they would be so appreciative if i were to pull the same stunt without forewarning them. the bull would be a sun bleached skeleton before i ever took the horns.

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had a dream the other night about sertraline

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i am a battle i can't win (that is from a song, i'm not clever enough to think of something like that on my own)

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i'm in the early stages of planning a bit of a road trip, not anywhere far, just england and possibly wales and scotland. probably for a week or two, i want to go to places that would be nice to take photos of. i have a book of such places, so i think i will pick out 3 or 4 and try and work out a route from one to the next with cheap hotels or b+b's along the way.

i think i'm tired of travelling alone.

i should be spontaneous and carefully plan every detail of how i will shave my head.

Since me and ****** broke up i have dated several girls. it never worked out with any of them because they all had the same basic flaw. none of them were ******.


how i wish it was how it used to be.



:'(