leeds fest stuff 1

throw out my old tent (*** *** ********)...check

new tent...check

new air matress...check

pump...check

sleeping bag...check

daft sh*t (straw hat, glasses, glow sticks)...check (but need more)

£1.50 ghetto style ghetto blaster...check

bruised and battered

why can't i just hate you? why can't i be repulsed by you, and sickened by you. i would make things easier for myself. maybe im not into making things easy for myself? i dunno. i talked to L about it, at the time, he had some great advice, stuff that at the time i didn't think would be possible, but now it doesn't seem so far fetched - if that makes sense. going by his timescaled im about 1/5th of the way there. only 80% remaining. (supressed) hurrah. i'll just keep on remembering 'ten years after' lyrics, and that smell of incense. yup, good plan there son.

when you look out of a window and its 3 or 4 in the morning it's quite a lonely sight. i like looking out at the rain. feels quite comforting. there is rain and darkness and me, and i wonder how many other people are looking out and seeing the same thing, and maybe even thinking the same thing. you'll never see them though. during the day they put on their clothes which act like a make-shift shield. protects them. hides them in many cases, you never even realise what's going on inside because all you see is the outside, and the inside and the outside can, in some circumstances, be extreme opposites.

I'd be stood in D's flat, and we'd look out over the city at night, and he'd tell me about jumping out of a window. he made a joke that he couldn't even do that right. im glad, because im happy that he was around to tell me about it. i don't think he will know, and i don't think i ever really showed it that well, but D really talked some sense into me at a time when i really needed it. thank you.

sometimes i wish that i could take your hand just one more time and take you up to the fourteenth floor. you'd crawl out the window instead of using the door, you'd say 'i don't know' and then you wouldn't say anymore and i'd be alone up on the fourteenth floor. i apologise with all my tender heart to i hate myself (just like they did for 2 songs) for using their fantastic lyrics. i have no intention of passing them off as my own, they just say what i want to say far better than i could ever say it.

today i went back to what i always go back to. the opening guitar riff gives time to fill your lungs, then as soon as jim moves past the 60watt bulb you know he's not going to stop until you and he have torn everything out. then you've got the guitar riff to recover again before you repeat the above. love songs on repeat.

got a mail from ***** ***** telling me that they didn't have any artist positions open, they do have some QA places though and sent me something to fill in and get back to them. feels nice just to be acknowledged. i wouldn't mind working for them, i think. although i will have to move yorkshire down south. which may be problematic. are 60watts brighter than my future? i'm unsure at the moment jim.

free - what if the dew is asking himself that same question, only there is no sun to answer him? thank you for sharing the story of the dewdrop.

I didn't know what I had that day

I remember we were driving under some trees and it was really warm and sunny. I'd put this song on repeat and you'd complain because you thought it was boring. It felt like every day was there for a reason. We would do something every day. Even the days when we didn't do anything, it felt like we were doing something. Not like today - today is just another wasted day of wasted oppertunities. I didn't know what I had that day.

----------------

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well I'll float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The day's get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's all about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

(Modest Mouse/ The World At Large)

old photos

i was looking through some old photos today. brought smiles to my face lol. these two were taken during a really cool summer. they are from at least 5 years ago, maybe 6, so taken around 1999/2000

the trouble with the internet is

that it is public domain, and sometimes that can be a bad thing.

conquered

conquered the block of death

now to celebrate

skate till its dark

had a right skate sesh tonight with phill. went over to the park at keighley - spent so much time skating there in the f*cking boiling sun, then headed over to the park at spenborough and nearly very very nearly tamed the block of death.

skated till like 10.30pm...which was pretty cool. so hot and sweaty and tired, but happy as well. must be all those chemicals from exercise. happy happy. all is right with the world for tonight.

woot

The BBC can't spell...

Thank god (notice the small G because I'm sure that my god isn't the same as your God) that something as pompously middle-upper class as the BBC (and all their Queen's English speaking employees) can still make spelling mistakes.

I present the British Broadcastign Corporation

(I haven't done anything to the screen capture apart from enlarging that section. Usual jazz, click for a larger version)

cliched

write 'hate' with a penknife.



ukkk. how cliched.

woulditmakeadifferencetoyouifiwentaway?tobehonestidoubtyou'devennotice.

ouch

heelflip (elbow accelerating towards the ground x tarmac) = blood and pain

blah

why is it that steam seems to update itself every day at the moment, and why is it that it's stopped working? valve, what you guys doing over there??

have the swedish police made a massive cock up in regards to the pirate bay raids, or not. or is it all a hoax.

in the past week i have given ebay my money for: 100 glow sticks. an australia hat. retro-tastic aviator sunglasses. leeds fest 2006 is going to be stylish. im planning on giving out glowsticks to passers by in return for smiles. i need a new tent too.

started to get some replies back from companies wanting to see some of my samples, havent really heard much back but its got to be at least a small small step/shuffle in the right direction. its got to be surely.

went to a skatepark last night and enjoyed myself there for the first time in a long time. might go tonight. the plan for next week should be fun.

oh and i dont what **** is doing. for now.

sore head

last night:

100 bottles of lager (5 cases of 20 bottles) and a bottle of 70% abv 140 proof absinthe shared between tom, josh, liam, conny, paul, scott and myself.

today i have a very sore head.