bruised and battered
why can't i just hate you? why can't i be repulsed by you, and sickened by you. i would make things easier for myself. maybe im not into making things easy for myself? i dunno. i talked to L about it, at the time, he had some great advice, stuff that at the time i didn't think would be possible, but now it doesn't seem so far fetched - if that makes sense. going by his timescaled im about 1/5th of the way there. only 80% remaining. (supressed) hurrah. i'll just keep on remembering 'ten years after' lyrics, and that smell of incense. yup, good plan there son.
when you look out of a window and its 3 or 4 in the morning it's quite a lonely sight. i like looking out at the rain. feels quite comforting. there is rain and darkness and me, and i wonder how many other people are looking out and seeing the same thing, and maybe even thinking the same thing. you'll never see them though. during the day they put on their clothes which act like a make-shift shield. protects them. hides them in many cases, you never even realise what's going on inside because all you see is the outside, and the inside and the outside can, in some circumstances, be extreme opposites.
I'd be stood in D's flat, and we'd look out over the city at night, and he'd tell me about jumping out of a window. he made a joke that he couldn't even do that right. im glad, because im happy that he was around to tell me about it. i don't think he will know, and i don't think i ever really showed it that well, but D really talked some sense into me at a time when i really needed it. thank you.
sometimes i wish that i could take your hand just one more time and take you up to the fourteenth floor. you'd crawl out the window instead of using the door, you'd say 'i don't know' and then you wouldn't say anymore and i'd be alone up on the fourteenth floor. i apologise with all my tender heart to i hate myself (just like they did for 2 songs) for using their fantastic lyrics. i have no intention of passing them off as my own, they just say what i want to say far better than i could ever say it.
today i went back to what i always go back to. the opening guitar riff gives time to fill your lungs, then as soon as jim moves past the 60watt bulb you know he's not going to stop until you and he have torn everything out. then you've got the guitar riff to recover again before you repeat the above. love songs on repeat.
got a mail from ***** ***** telling me that they didn't have any artist positions open, they do have some QA places though and sent me something to fill in and get back to them. feels nice just to be acknowledged. i wouldn't mind working for them, i think. although i will have to move yorkshire down south. which may be problematic. are 60watts brighter than my future? i'm unsure at the moment jim.
free - what if the dew is asking himself that same question, only there is no sun to answer him? thank you for sharing the story of the dewdrop.
when you look out of a window and its 3 or 4 in the morning it's quite a lonely sight. i like looking out at the rain. feels quite comforting. there is rain and darkness and me, and i wonder how many other people are looking out and seeing the same thing, and maybe even thinking the same thing. you'll never see them though. during the day they put on their clothes which act like a make-shift shield. protects them. hides them in many cases, you never even realise what's going on inside because all you see is the outside, and the inside and the outside can, in some circumstances, be extreme opposites.
I'd be stood in D's flat, and we'd look out over the city at night, and he'd tell me about jumping out of a window. he made a joke that he couldn't even do that right. im glad, because im happy that he was around to tell me about it. i don't think he will know, and i don't think i ever really showed it that well, but D really talked some sense into me at a time when i really needed it. thank you.
sometimes i wish that i could take your hand just one more time and take you up to the fourteenth floor. you'd crawl out the window instead of using the door, you'd say 'i don't know' and then you wouldn't say anymore and i'd be alone up on the fourteenth floor. i apologise with all my tender heart to i hate myself (just like they did for 2 songs) for using their fantastic lyrics. i have no intention of passing them off as my own, they just say what i want to say far better than i could ever say it.
today i went back to what i always go back to. the opening guitar riff gives time to fill your lungs, then as soon as jim moves past the 60watt bulb you know he's not going to stop until you and he have torn everything out. then you've got the guitar riff to recover again before you repeat the above. love songs on repeat.
got a mail from ***** ***** telling me that they didn't have any artist positions open, they do have some QA places though and sent me something to fill in and get back to them. feels nice just to be acknowledged. i wouldn't mind working for them, i think. although i will have to move yorkshire down south. which may be problematic. are 60watts brighter than my future? i'm unsure at the moment jim.
free - what if the dew is asking himself that same question, only there is no sun to answer him? thank you for sharing the story of the dewdrop.
posted by pruvaloo at 8:17 PM
4 Comments:
Don't be. If you need a shoulder, I can offer one. I don't know what it is about relationships... can't live with one, can't live without one. In or out, either way it hurts. So might as well decide not to let it hurt and get on with it what say?
Chillax dude! You're a cool kid.
thanks, although once i start i think i may need more than a shoulder! seriously thank you though. maybe bruised an battered has been the norm for so long that it has become 'the norm'...i dunno.
lol yeah know what you mean - i've not figured out how to make my feelings follow my decisions yet though...i think im a slow learner.
*tries to chillax*
I understand the 'norm' oh yes I do. Been there kiddo! And I've never learnt to tell my wayward heart to stop going where it says, 'No Entry'.
Ne'er mind. Life just is...
:)
i liked this.
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