identified an 'issue'. rationalised it.

planned a course that would not necessarily 'solve' it, but certainly go some ways to improving it.

considering actually going ahead and going through with it. feel quite motivated. then other times i feel very unmotivated and think 'i'll not do anything about it, like i usually do'.

i think this time i should actually put my idea into action. doing something that would help myself seems like a big step. a bigger step than it should seem.

undecided how to proceed.

thanks for that guys, it was good to catch up and i had a really enjoyable night - i really needed that and appreciate you taking the time to come out, so thank you :)

9

9

hardly felt a damn thing.

over.

over.



i'm just not good enough.

this is hardly new news. there are pages of self loathing here. i've just been re-reading them. i've been a fool. it was stupid to think otherwise.

i expect i'll be writing a lot more again now.

(this is a note to myself: it's important to remember that they are nice. do not demonise them. do not. didn't see it coming but they lasted a long time. )

/-just be 'ok'....