Bandini

Every time Bandini gets a taste of success he seems to take on an air of pretentiousness. I don't much care for it at all.

Stay struggling Bandini, stay struggling. In your 'friendless city'. Like the rest of us. And I will keep on admiring you.

You yearn to write one perfect sentence. If you can write one, then you can write two. And if you can write two, you can write three, and if you can write three perfect sentences then you can carry on forever.




I don't want to even write one perfect sentence. I just want to write one perfect word. Just one. Cutting a solitary figure, there on its own. I know what my one perfect word is going to be.

What is your perfect word?

"Shall I lift my mouth to the sky, stumbling and burbling with a tongue that is afraid? Shall I open my chest and beat it like a loud drum, seeking the attention of my Christ? Or is it not better and more reasonable that I cover myself and go on? There will be confusions, and there will be hunger; there will be loneliness with only my tears like wet consoling little birds, tumbling to sweeten my dry lips. But there shall be consolation, and there shall be beauty like the love of some dead girl. There shall be some laughter, a restrained laughter, and a quiet waiting in the night, a soft fear of the night like the lavish, taunting kiss of death."

- J.F.

Well, I got us on a highway, I got us in a car
Got us going faster than we've ever gone before
I got us on a highway, I got us in a car
Got us going faster than we've ever gone before

And I know it ain't gonna last
And I know it ain't gonna last
When I see your eyes arrive
They explode like two bugs on glass

Far above the ocean, deep under the sea
There's a river running dry 'cause of you and me
Far above the ocean, deep under the sea
There's a river running dry 'cause of you and me

And I know it ain't gonna last
And I know it ain't gonna last
When I see your eyes arrive
They explode like two bugs on glass

She's a goddess on a highway, a goddess in a car
Goddess going faster than she's ever gone before
She's a goddess on the highway, a goddess in a car
Goddess going faster than she's ever gone before

And I know it ain't gonna last
And I know it ain't gonna last
When I see your eyes arrive
They explode like two bugs on glass

And I know it ain't gonna last
And I know it ain't gonna last
And I know it ain't gonna last
And I know it ain't gonna last

It ain't gonna last, it ain't gonna last
It ain't gonna last, it ain't gonna last

we spent the day together. one last final day together just like old times. and it was fantastic. i didnt want to leave that room and i didn't want it to end. then it was over. leave behind what you know. the last moment of walking through the light, about to step out into the dark which is such a contrast. met with a chill. out into your adventure.

everything i needed. happily cruising along, and i was content. i didn't want to go anywhere in particular. i just wanted to keep on going. going where i had never been before, in a direction i didn't know. another mile rolls by. these songs are sounding sentimental to me. another mile rolls by. the bands of white and red light. orange lamps. another mile rolls by. good luck to you all.

another mile rolls by. and i just want to keep on driving, getting further and further into the night.

"...and I was so miserable that I deliberately sank my finger nails into the flesh of my arm until a spot of blood appeared. It gave me great satisfaction. I was God's most miserable creature, forced even to torturing myself. Surely upon this earth no grief was greater than mine."

- J.F.

would it be a suprise?

would it be a suprise? im sure some would be suprised, well, i guess really shocked would be more accurate. it's not like it happens everyday - although it does - it's just they don't have to deal with it everyday. chances are they've never had to deal with it at all, so obviously it would come as a shock.

but a suprise? i'm really not that sure. i hope they would look back and see that the clues were all there. realise that the clues where all there, and here, and thats its nothing they could of stopped or altered or changed.

maybe i should just get it over with. at least then its done. "don't hate the player, hate the game" and all that. yeah well what happens if you hate the game. i really don't want to play that. i wasn't given the choice, but if i had then i'm sure i would of chosen something different.

my favourite authors were all crazy alcoholics. and i spend my nights reading those dead men's words. but what they say makes a lot of sense, if you just stop and think about it.

i'm still pissed off with you for turning up like that all those times, but i started thinking that maybe you were just lonely and it was a way of passing the time. all those days and nights on your own it must of been really hard, and i think i never really realised, or thought, about it that way before. makes it more understandable, because i can see myself doing the same things, it's just, i wish you would of told me. y'know, i think then i wouldn't of minded, it was just the way you turned up and then we'd act like it was ok. but it wasn't was it, and now it wont ever be.

i wonder how loudly you have to scream before someone hears? i think you were screaming pretty loud but no one took any notice,, and im really sorry for that. i wonder how loudly i'll have to scream?

but i'll see you there. and maybe sooner rather than later. xxx

a stranger in the mirror

i cant remember the last time i even looked like this, it was a long time ago. must be a good 3 or 4 years. it's a long time.