would it be a suprise?

would it be a suprise? im sure some would be suprised, well, i guess really shocked would be more accurate. it's not like it happens everyday - although it does - it's just they don't have to deal with it everyday. chances are they've never had to deal with it at all, so obviously it would come as a shock.

but a suprise? i'm really not that sure. i hope they would look back and see that the clues were all there. realise that the clues where all there, and here, and thats its nothing they could of stopped or altered or changed.

maybe i should just get it over with. at least then its done. "don't hate the player, hate the game" and all that. yeah well what happens if you hate the game. i really don't want to play that. i wasn't given the choice, but if i had then i'm sure i would of chosen something different.

my favourite authors were all crazy alcoholics. and i spend my nights reading those dead men's words. but what they say makes a lot of sense, if you just stop and think about it.

i'm still pissed off with you for turning up like that all those times, but i started thinking that maybe you were just lonely and it was a way of passing the time. all those days and nights on your own it must of been really hard, and i think i never really realised, or thought, about it that way before. makes it more understandable, because i can see myself doing the same things, it's just, i wish you would of told me. y'know, i think then i wouldn't of minded, it was just the way you turned up and then we'd act like it was ok. but it wasn't was it, and now it wont ever be.

i wonder how loudly you have to scream before someone hears? i think you were screaming pretty loud but no one took any notice,, and im really sorry for that. i wonder how loudly i'll have to scream?

but i'll see you there. and maybe sooner rather than later. xxx