22/24

Got a mail from Lee yesterday telling us about a meeting he's having on Wednesday with some other uni's and also some dev studios, and asking if any of us would be free to attend and to bring along some of our work to act as a bit of a showcase.

I said I'd be available, so right now it's a crazy crazy crunch time to get something that is actually worthy of being shown in a playable form. There's not that much left I need to do. Only a few models. And textures. Oh and set up some script sequences. Then add sound effects. And figure out a way of actually giving the player the info.

So yeah, not much left, and there are 24 hours in a day. I should only need to work for about 22 of those. Pretty cushy if you ask me.

hey, alright i've maybe had a bit too much to drink, but lets just roll with it ok, might make things a bit more interesting. i get bogged down in ruts too often, so lets pretend it's something out of the ordinary and new and exciting. you know, like those other people yeah. just our little secret for as long as it takes me to type this out. cool? cool :)

ok, so it was the funeral of an old family friend today. yet again had to get dolled up in a suit and tie and go to church. im really sick of funerals. WILL PEOPLE PLEASE STOP DYING? to be fair though it's the first i've been to this year. a much better year than the last few years. meh

probably fucked up a friendship because i wasnt really around when she needed me to be, always assuming that i was needed that is, and i presume that i actually wasnt, but its nice to kid yourself every now and again. so yeah. 0-1 there

probably fucked up another friendship cos of stuff i coudlnt have control over. 0-2 there.

honestly, im well sick of this.

back to the grindstone is it? looks like. was nice to be elevated for a while though. bit of a break, but everyone needs to come back off holiday sometime or another.

i should go before i really start talking about shit i shouldnt. i have spirits in the fridge but no mixers. looks like it will be going down neat tonight

Personal Traits

This is kind of in two parts.

Part 1:

They've got a lot going on at the moment, lets call it turmoil, and they need to get that sorted out. When stuff like that happens to me I kind of shut down and focus solely on that; I get a kind of obsessive tunnel vision. Nothing else matters, everything else can be put on hold until I've sorted this out.

That's what I'm doing now. It's not that I don't care,it's just I think you need to get this figured out and I reckon that you don't need to be wasting your time or energy on things/people that don't really matter. Get it worked out and then I'll be back when you can afford to waste your time and energy again :)

See, it breaks down like this:

People can't leave you if you push them away first.

It doesn't matter if people think you're a dick if you go out of your way to convince them you are.

-----

Part 2 got deleted

youre a fucking idiot.

maybe you didnt catch that YOURE A FUCKING IDIOT.

you know you shouldnt do that when youre in a mood like that but you still did.

round of applause for einstein over here.

they are yours

i was putting something away tonight in the same drawer. i opened the box and looked at your engagement ring and wedding ring. i dont know why really. i just felt i wanted to. those bands of metal that meant so much. and mean so much.

they are a perfect fit on my finger, both of them. it's like they were tailor made for me. but they are yours and they will always be yours.

stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy stressy

the woman i used to work for once said that if i was any more laid back then i'd fall over. one of the guys from the ford forum told me i was one of the most laid back people he knew.

dunno how i managed to give off that impression because most of the time it could not be further than the truth. maybe i'm like a duck, all calm and peaceful above the water, but under the water a combination of energy and movement.

i can feel the coils getting more and more tightly wound inside. my december deadline is really starting to loom on the horizon now, and i'm scared it wont be ready in time. when i'm like this even little things niggle at me, but at the end of the day they don't matter and i know they don't but that doesn't stop me stressing about them.

i should stop chasing perfection because it's a concept that doesn't exist, just a carrot on the end of a stick, but i really don't want to be sitting in the presentation looking at the other projects and wishing i had just had the time to do ......

to be fair though i'm on track and i think i sort of know i am. i'll be a lot happier in a couple of weeks when hopefully everything is up and running and playable (to an extent)

had a bit of an ebay binge last night. probably shouldn't, but criminal macabre is hard to resist.

Saturday night is party night

Nick got it wrong; Friday night isn't party night, Saturday night is party night for real. Had such an immense time, first time I've properly enjoyed myself being out for quite a while. Usually I feel like a tired old man, but I managed to roll into bed at about 6ish still ready for more. Tres good.

I think what TV was saying was right, I think he was onto something, and I think it's the way forward from now on.

I've got a lot to say

I had a drink the other day, opinions were like kittens I was giving them away.

I really don't remember hitting you right between the eyes with a cig packet. Hahhaa that would of been so funny, just because I think it would be the last thing you were expecting. Sorry btw. But given the chance again I would probably do exactly the same. I was far too drunk - too much vino. I remember managing to string together the same few words over and over.

Oh, what better way to put me in my place! The thing is, was it even intentional? I'm not sure whether it was or not you know. I'd like to say it wasn't but I'm just not sure.

I'm so sick of listening to you complaining about shit and then going and doing stuff like this. I mean, what are you expecting me to do anymore?

It's like window shopping. Peering in at something that you can't have.

It's all about giving yourself two chances: the chance to be the best, and the chance to not be the worst. These two things sound similar but they are totally different and there is a huge gap between them. If you don't give yourself two chances you only have one chance - the chance to be the best. And this hardly ever happens. Double your chances and instantly halve your odds before anything else is taken into consideration.

In a way it's the best position to have nothing to lose and everything to gain. What's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen is that nothing happens in which case I'd be back to where I started from. The best case scenario is that something does happen and then I'm onto a winner. Short stacks can easily push with any two cards, like above it's about giving yourself two chances. Make the other person make the decision. Make them ask themselves if they really are the best, are they dominating, or is it a straight 50-50 race; a coinflip?

So when you try and fix something with the 'not right' spare part, it's never going to work. But that isn't the fault of the spare part. It would work perfectly in the right situation, it's jus that it's not suited to this one and no matter how mad you get at it, or hit it with a hammer, there is no way it will work. If you want to fix it you need to get the right parts for the job. See the part isn't 'wrong', it's just 'not right' and there is also a massive difference between those two concepts.

So there we are. 8 paragraphs about 8 different things, all wrapped up in nice similies and metaphors.

Oh, ps. you're nothing special.

Things

Things, they always die. Just give it time. They always die.

The times they are a-changin'

For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.


Decided it was time this had a title again. 'Only' been a year or so since I lost the banner I made.

Even the longest journey starts with a single footstep, right?

Over the next 3 months or so I can see a lot of things are gonna be changing, and that's good because I want them to change. Also a bit daunted by it all to be honest. But change doesn't always mean 'bad', it just means 'different'.

I think I tend to get too sentimental over stuff; it's easy for me to fall into a rut where I don't mess with things that aren't broken. Strickly speaking.

Middle of December is fast approaching. I want it to be here. I want it to never get here. All at the same time.

Contemplating something before then. Nothing major. Should do it. Should.