My uncle passed away the other day. After a long fight with illness I guess he just couldn't fight it any more. In 4 days I'll be at another family funeral. I'm really sick of people being taken away.

What I'm looking for.

I'm looking for a new mod to work on (at least I think I am). I think the time I spent working on Absence was pretty well documented here, but, well I kinda want that feeling again. Yeah it was hard work, and sometimes there were plenty other things I would of rather been doing. I sacrificed going out with friends a couple of times cos I needed to get something finished, but it didn't matter so much because we were a team and I knew that the other people working on it would be making equal sacrifices. I guess at the end of the day it made me feel like I achieved something. And I think 9 months from concept to a fully playable (albeit with a few slight bugs that we didn't get to iron out) level with custom models, textures, animations, voice talent/music and a 3rd person camera is pretty good going.

So yeah, I think I want another mod to work on. Only, do I? Well I'm a bit worried about biting off more than I can chew. I don't really have that much free time, so I'm wondering whether I want to give what free time I have to a mod. I think deep down I wouldn't mind doing so.

Yesterday and today I've been perusing the 'help wanted' sections of various forums. At the moment there are a couple of projects that have cought my eye. I need to get more involved with the community, I've become somewhat of an outsider of late. I need to get some decent portfolio content into a sample page that I can send out (when and if I apply to any of these mods) and I need to read a large book about web design and put something up other than a white page with an email address on it.

And right now I need to get something to eat. Going out tonight, meeting up with the guy who I spent everyday of college with. Not seen him since we went off to different uni's, so it should be a good night.

And all the girls

"And all the girls I used to know are high on ecstasy"

or they are trying to destroy themselves. What do you say when you don't know what to say? You've got to say something because otherwise it will look like you don't care. But all you can think to say is 'ummm' or 'fuck'. Neither of which are helpful. So do you wonder what to say? Do you disappear for a bit and hope things sort themselves out? Do you change the subject?

When you care about people the problems they face become your problems too, but is it so wrong to want to be happy for a while, even if they have problems?

Only a week into the new year. Feels longer than that lol.