i went outside today. saw the first person ive seen for a month. almost to the day. one month. one whole month. i spent the rest of the day drinking and playing modest mouse on repeat just because they seem to know what they are talking about, and ihm. i finally got my book yesterday too, started reading it last night and i only had to wait 21 pages before ihm were mentioned when he was giving the girl a lift home. (the girl he was told not to rape - although i dont think he would be capable or raping anyone) although no one listens to ihm. but her sister does.

i always imagined that he was sitting on the floor of an empty space, in an empty building. sitting on the floor with his back against a plain white wall, each hald holding a knee and his head is between his knees looking down at the floor which is collecting a pool of spent tears. its night time and the window is still open.

but what if she did it during the day. what if it wasnt an empty building, what if it was their apartment, the place they called home. and what if it was day time. maybe they'd just had an argument, or maybe she'd been planning it a long time. maybe he was asleep, or maybe they'd just had sex.

sometimes i feel like im on that 14th floor too.