Ways to annoy me on myspace

I'm an angry young man with too much time (not enough beer) on my hands, so here's a list of ways and means by which you can annoy the hell out of me on myspace.

• Over use of the strike tag...there is a time and a place to use the strike tag, the time is NOT 'every single word' and the place is NOT 'on your page'. It's not original and if anything it makes moody people like me close the browser window immediately and wonder what the hell is going on inside your head.



• Following on from the above we have the ever-so-shit 'style' whereby every one of your links uses a strike out. Same thing, it WILL annoy me, it WILL make me not want to click those links, but it WON'T make you look any cooler/hipper/(scene-er ???)



• Fucking less than fucking three. Stop being retards, stop using less than three. It's annoying. So stop it. Let me clear this up once and for all, less than three does not, and will never look like a heart. So you want a picture of a heart in your text without using a photo/clipart, fine, HTML/ASCII ALREADY HAS A WAY OF ACHIEVING THIS! Let's do a comparison test: here is a heart - ♥ and here is a less than three - <3. One of these symbolises a heart and can be used to mean 'love' or 'like' in a 'i heart NY' type of way. The other symbolises that one entity is less than, or lower than three, for example, my tolerance level of people using less than three to represent a heart is <3.



• Those raining hearts/spades/whatever that people put on their page to be different (or more accurately to annoy me). AARRGGG omfgydtdaddmf!!!! Maybe when the internet was first available to the mainstream Joe Public, maybe then those raining hearts may have been an amusing novelty for oooh about 10 seconds. Raining hearts are nearly as unoriginal and annoying as the cursor trails that all those first time website builders add to their free 'make a website in 3 clicks' website.



• Music. This may surprise some people but I could not give two shiny ****s as to what you're favourite song of the moment is. I spent a lot of my time working at a computer, and that being the case I have amassed a large collection of my favourite songs in my own playlists. I listen to these playlists because I like the songs, and I'll be damned if you are going to play your crappy crap.X.core over my rocking rock.X.core. If you have a song on your profile I will stop it playing IMMEDIATELY...unless it is 3 Little Pigs by Green Jelly, in which case I will smile, and think back to sitting in Beave's garden hearing this for the first time, then going to skate at (St) Josephs and (St) Chads.



• Videos. Right, why do you feel it necessary to stick a novemtrigintillion (1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
  000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
  000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) or 10^120 videos on your page? Even on a broad connection it's a waste of bandwidth, but I could forgive this. What I can't forgive is having a novemtrigintillion videos all set to autoplay. WTF is wrong with you people??? If you know enough about HTML to embed a video on a webpage, then you also know enough HTML to turn autoplay off. If I want to watch your videos (which I don't, but if I did) then I would click the play button, or the screenshot if it's one of those photobucket video things. So, why not put links to the videos, so I can quickly load text and then decide if I want to see the video? Or, if you must, as least make sure that you code autolpay set to off.



• All you attention whores. Please please please please do NOT add me and then never talk to me. I accept this from people who know me, because they know how much of a dick I am, but if you are a perfect stranger and you add me, and then don't say a word to me, there will be a couple of consequences. The first is that I'll tell you, and anyone else who cares to listen, that you're a cock and an attention whore who simply wants to out 'friends' everyone else. Secondly I'll delete you and laugh from behind my monitor screen at the thought of your precious friend's list being reduced by 1. HAHAHAHAHA



• Bulletins. I do not need a bulletin telling me every single sodding time you inhale, exhale, and repeat.



• The definition of 'friend' and the fucking pointless notion of an extended network, that isn't actually an extended network. Sometimes this winds me up so bad, until I remember that my definition of 'friend' and myspace's definition of 'friend' are completely different. (Mine is the right definition of course) Now, the extended network, it's an ok idea, the major flaw in the plan though is that Tom is instantly added to your friend list as soon as you sign up. This is a bit crap because it means that Tom is a friend to everybody, thus your extended network includes everybody...so it isn't an extended network at all. To counter this I deleted Tom within about 5 seconds of creating my account all that time ago.



• xxx.C.xxx or sXc or the word 'scene'. If you have a lot of x's or full stops or the word 'scene' in your profile and you tell me that you are 'scene as fuck' I will: think you are a cock, think you are not scene as fuck at all, not like you.



• Skin tight jeans belong on girls because I don't mind staring at their asses. I don't want to stare at a boy-in-skin-tight-jeans' ass. Black leggings and denim skirts? Oh dear. Leopard print leggings? That's Lyn Skully territory love. Ballet flats in combination with any of the above? There is only one scene that belongs to, and that is the BeatScene. It is not the 1950s anymore and I doubt the BeatScene is the scene you are trying to be 'scene' in, so just stop it. There are lots of photos of people dressed like this on myspace, and I seriously doubt that you are all beatniks.