my angel

well tonight i put on my leather shoes that make a noise when i put my foot down, i put on my smart trousers, i put on my black shirt and wore it open at the chest. i spent the night in the lane head hotel and i drank. and at the bottom of each pint glass there was bit of happiness. and with each glass i finished i got a bit happier. well thats a lie. there wasnt happiness there. its just that it took some of the sadness away. but taking sadness away and giving happiness are very different things. very different indeed. and i know which i deserve. the waitress was pretty. but she got confused with all the people ordering coffee at different times bless her. i would of told them to f*ck off, you have coffee now or dont bother. but she was smiles and laughter. and i drank because you werent there and you dont care. or maybe i just dont think you care. but ill never tell you. i dont want to hear the conformation that you dont care so i'll cry and sit and be depressed and drink and blog about sh*t instead. and then i'll wake up and the room wont be spinning any more and everything will be ok. i mean i'll be able to cope with things again. for a bit. god damn you. god damn me.

im listening to a song at the moment:

looking into your eyes
i see all i want to be
and i don't want it to end
if i could only put to words the way
i see you
i only know i had an angel with me now

and when i fall asleep
you're all that i see
you're in my thoughts
and all of my prayers
i wish i could be
all that you mean to me

my angel without wings
my angel

i wish you could see
all that you mean to me
but i can never find the words
to tell you

and when i fall asleep
you're all that i see
you're in my thoughts
and all of my prayers
i wish i could be
all that you mean to me

and when i fall asleep
you're all that i see
you're in my thoughts
and all of my prayers
i wish i could be
all that you mean to me
my angel without wings


you know, i'll drink until i cant see, and i'll forget whether my shoes are shined and i'll raise a fist to life, if just for one night and i'll talk about lyrics that you will never hear as if they are my own. but they are not.

i have a bottle of bourbon. goodnight

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