The reason why nothing will ever be ok, and why perfection doesn't exist
There's nothing like being wide awake at 3.30am knowing full well you have to get out of bed at 6.00 am, so at best you will be operating on 2 and a half hours of sleep. Anyway, one such night the other week I started thinking about how nothing will ever be ok.
You know when you're upset and someone comforts you and says everything will be ok, everything will work out? Well, as nice as they are trying to be, they are liars. Not intentionally of course, but still, it's worth bearing it in mind.
So why will nothing be ok? Well, there will always be stuff out there that you dont want out there. Things people have done and said that hurt you will always hurt you. The thoughts and fears that make you feel sick will always make you feel sick. The things that make you want to curl up and disappear will always make you want to curl up...I think you can see where I'm going with this one.
Of course, these things don't always bother us. They ARE always there, it's just that sometimes they are in the foreground of our lives and we can't eat or sleep or simply live without contemplating them, without thinking about them, without re-living them in our minds eye.
But sometimes, you are able to put them to one side. They ARE still there, but they don't matter any more. They don't take up your whole life. Maybe once in a while you might spend a couple of minutes thinking about them, but they have little affect on your mood. Times like this are fantastic, and they have a name. It's called happiness.
That's right, your baggage will always be with you, but if you can manage to find happiness, then it doesn't matter how much baggage you are trawling with you. So you see, nothing will ever be ok -
THINGS WILL ALWAYS BE FUCKED UP
PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THEIR OWN 'SHIT' THAT THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH
LIVE WILL ALWAYS BE THROWING YOU A CURVE BALL
but, if you are lucky enough to find happiness then none of that matters. It seems to kinda just shrink in to the background and fade to become almost totally transparent.
Now, moving onto why nothign will ever be perfect. Perfection is a digital concept. It is exact and accurate. It is perfect. If something is not perfect, then it is imperfect. It's digital, on or off, 1 or 0, perfect or not perfect. See's pretty straight forward right?
Here's the kicker - we live in an analogue world. Nothing in our lives is digital. There is no 1 or 0 for us. Instead there is 0.1245 and 0.1236 and 0.15799786 and so on. These very numbers are analogue, because numeracy is a human concept invented and percieved by ourselves in our own heads - just like time. There is no such thing as a 'perfect' number, it's a continuous sliding scale, and thanks to infinity we will never have a perfect number.
Anyway, that's why I think nothing will ever be ok and why there is no such thing as perfection.
You know when you're upset and someone comforts you and says everything will be ok, everything will work out? Well, as nice as they are trying to be, they are liars. Not intentionally of course, but still, it's worth bearing it in mind.
So why will nothing be ok? Well, there will always be stuff out there that you dont want out there. Things people have done and said that hurt you will always hurt you. The thoughts and fears that make you feel sick will always make you feel sick. The things that make you want to curl up and disappear will always make you want to curl up...I think you can see where I'm going with this one.
Of course, these things don't always bother us. They ARE always there, it's just that sometimes they are in the foreground of our lives and we can't eat or sleep or simply live without contemplating them, without thinking about them, without re-living them in our minds eye.
But sometimes, you are able to put them to one side. They ARE still there, but they don't matter any more. They don't take up your whole life. Maybe once in a while you might spend a couple of minutes thinking about them, but they have little affect on your mood. Times like this are fantastic, and they have a name. It's called happiness.
That's right, your baggage will always be with you, but if you can manage to find happiness, then it doesn't matter how much baggage you are trawling with you. So you see, nothing will ever be ok -
THINGS WILL ALWAYS BE FUCKED UP
PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS HAVE THEIR OWN 'SHIT' THAT THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH
LIVE WILL ALWAYS BE THROWING YOU A CURVE BALL
but, if you are lucky enough to find happiness then none of that matters. It seems to kinda just shrink in to the background and fade to become almost totally transparent.
Now, moving onto why nothign will ever be perfect. Perfection is a digital concept. It is exact and accurate. It is perfect. If something is not perfect, then it is imperfect. It's digital, on or off, 1 or 0, perfect or not perfect. See's pretty straight forward right?
Here's the kicker - we live in an analogue world. Nothing in our lives is digital. There is no 1 or 0 for us. Instead there is 0.1245 and 0.1236 and 0.15799786 and so on. These very numbers are analogue, because numeracy is a human concept invented and percieved by ourselves in our own heads - just like time. There is no such thing as a 'perfect' number, it's a continuous sliding scale, and thanks to infinity we will never have a perfect number.
Anyway, that's why I think nothing will ever be ok and why there is no such thing as perfection.
posted by pruvaloo at 8:55 PM
3 Comments:
This was probably your most profound yet simple post. It made so much sense and for someone so young you seem to be enlightened.
Hope the unhappiness is not in the foreground :). You sound wounded. Hope the wound heals if my assessment is correct. And it doesn't matter if the wound leaves a scar, cause, yup, you said it, nothing is perfect.
Take care.
Thank you, I think to be fair I have far too much spare time on my hands!
Sometimes though a scar, emotional or physical just isnt enough...erm...punishment - if that's the right word.
Sometimes there are times when you can't hurt yourself enough to even make things head towards being ok.
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