I was thinking of you last night.

For 16 years you had been there, and you had given me so much, but I don't think I ever told you how much. I wish I had done now. I used to want to be like you when I grew up. I still do. One of my earliest memories is being taken in the car to your house. Those were really good days, my pre-school days, and I would have such a great time. Just the three of us.

I was thinking about one of the last photos I have of you. I remember warm sun, and sitting on a wooden bench next to you. I could do anything that week. It was always sunny, and I'd carry around my angst in my minidisc walkman, and I could do anything.

The last time I ever saw you was Sunday 30th September 2001. It would be about 4.30pm. We were just closing the cafe up, and you were heading home. I don't really remember as clearly as I should but you would of waved and said goodbye.

Monday 1st October 2001. I walked down my road and saw mum's car in the driveway. I knew something had happened. The only times she was ever home before me were either when she was ill, or when something had happened. That feeling where I wanted to run inside and find out what the matter was, but at the same time, to turn and just walk back to school, or anywhere, because if I didn't find out, that meant that nothing was wrong.

You wouldn't believe the impact going from knowing that you were there, and had been all my life, to knowing that now you weren't. I don't want you to feel guilty for leaving though, I know it's not your fault. I'm just sad I don't see you anymore. You gave me so much, and I'm so grateful. I don't visit you anywhere near as much as I should. But please don't think that I don't care or I don't remember. Because I do, and I always will.

Thankyou for everything.

A.H.

R.I.P.