200
So here I am, this is my 200th post.
11.40 pm on Thursday August 4th 2005 was my first post.
Nearly 3 years to make those 200 posts. There were times when I would write a lot, maybe every couple of days or so, and there have been times where I would struggle to write a post a month, but the fact is this blog, my blog, is still here. And that means that I am still here, still trying my best to do what I do worst.
I wont lie, there have been a lot of bad times, but there have also been a few good times too, so it may not be totally balanced out, but it's nearly there. Seems like I've come full circle in that time, my situation and mind frame both seem the same as they were back then. Back to even before I made that first post.
People have come, and gone. Some are never ever coming back, I hope that some are going to come back, and some I think might come back, but not as anyone expected.
I've grown up in this room, I've revised for my GCSE's in here, my A Levels, the exams in my BSc, and in my MSc. I've been happy in this room, I've been sad, I've laughed until it hurt, I've cried until it hurt, and I've hurt myself to make it all seem better. It never works in the long term though. I'm not even sure what it does in the short term, but when other people hurt you so much, that must show what kind of person you are. I guess it's a kind of punishment, something to say 'Hey, I know I'm the worst person alive, but look what I've done, maybe by doing it I can somehow join the ranks of the good people, just for a little while?'.
So, where will I be in the next 200? I think it will take me a while longer because I maybe went a little overboard to start with. So let's say 4 years from now. 2012. According to my life plan I should be married and in a good job by then.
See I do want to get married, and I don't want to be old while my kid(s) are still young, but at the same time I want to enjoy married life before they arrive, so I had figured if I got married about 24 or 25, have 5 years of married life, then start thinking about setting up a family.
For a long time I didn't really see that happening, but then there was a slight glimmer, you know that feeling where you think 'you know, maybe those plans aren't quite so far fetched after all'. They were far fetched. I'm back to not seeing them happen now, and part of me is obviously disappointed, but part of me is so angry for letting myself think that they might happen.
So lets see where we are in 2012. Lets see if I've managed to come full circle again, or whether this time, things actually go my way.
For the people who have ever left a comment here, thank you. It takes time and effort to read what I write and even more to type out a reply, more time or effort than I deserve, so thank you.
For anyone who has ever read this blog, thank you to you. I doubt I have any regular readers, but maybe one or two people stumble across this when they are looking for something else. Either way, thank you for stopping by. Thank you for listening to the things on my mind.
I hope you can think 'well at least I'm not as bad as that kid'.
I guess that's just about everything. Here's to the next 200. Maybe I will get there, or maybe things will get to me before I get there.
Take care of each other. Try to make each other happy. Work seems to dominate everything, and it's easy to forget, but people are the most important things in your life. Spend more time with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Take the time to call that old friend who you haven't seen for months. Cancel a meeting so you can watch your kid play sports, or take part in the school play.
Just for God's sake whatever you do, don't sit alone in a room, fantasizing about things you don't have the guts to go through with.
Enjoy the sun, and wind and rain and snow. Make the most of everything, and once in a while, maybe spare me a thought and wonder what that kid with the blog is doing right now, or how he's feeling.
11.40 pm on Thursday August 4th 2005 was my first post.
Nearly 3 years to make those 200 posts. There were times when I would write a lot, maybe every couple of days or so, and there have been times where I would struggle to write a post a month, but the fact is this blog, my blog, is still here. And that means that I am still here, still trying my best to do what I do worst.
I wont lie, there have been a lot of bad times, but there have also been a few good times too, so it may not be totally balanced out, but it's nearly there. Seems like I've come full circle in that time, my situation and mind frame both seem the same as they were back then. Back to even before I made that first post.
People have come, and gone. Some are never ever coming back, I hope that some are going to come back, and some I think might come back, but not as anyone expected.
I've grown up in this room, I've revised for my GCSE's in here, my A Levels, the exams in my BSc, and in my MSc. I've been happy in this room, I've been sad, I've laughed until it hurt, I've cried until it hurt, and I've hurt myself to make it all seem better. It never works in the long term though. I'm not even sure what it does in the short term, but when other people hurt you so much, that must show what kind of person you are. I guess it's a kind of punishment, something to say 'Hey, I know I'm the worst person alive, but look what I've done, maybe by doing it I can somehow join the ranks of the good people, just for a little while?'.
So, where will I be in the next 200? I think it will take me a while longer because I maybe went a little overboard to start with. So let's say 4 years from now. 2012. According to my life plan I should be married and in a good job by then.
See I do want to get married, and I don't want to be old while my kid(s) are still young, but at the same time I want to enjoy married life before they arrive, so I had figured if I got married about 24 or 25, have 5 years of married life, then start thinking about setting up a family.
For a long time I didn't really see that happening, but then there was a slight glimmer, you know that feeling where you think 'you know, maybe those plans aren't quite so far fetched after all'. They were far fetched. I'm back to not seeing them happen now, and part of me is obviously disappointed, but part of me is so angry for letting myself think that they might happen.
So lets see where we are in 2012. Lets see if I've managed to come full circle again, or whether this time, things actually go my way.
For the people who have ever left a comment here, thank you. It takes time and effort to read what I write and even more to type out a reply, more time or effort than I deserve, so thank you.
For anyone who has ever read this blog, thank you to you. I doubt I have any regular readers, but maybe one or two people stumble across this when they are looking for something else. Either way, thank you for stopping by. Thank you for listening to the things on my mind.
I hope you can think 'well at least I'm not as bad as that kid'.
I guess that's just about everything. Here's to the next 200. Maybe I will get there, or maybe things will get to me before I get there.
Take care of each other. Try to make each other happy. Work seems to dominate everything, and it's easy to forget, but people are the most important things in your life. Spend more time with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Take the time to call that old friend who you haven't seen for months. Cancel a meeting so you can watch your kid play sports, or take part in the school play.
Just for God's sake whatever you do, don't sit alone in a room, fantasizing about things you don't have the guts to go through with.
Enjoy the sun, and wind and rain and snow. Make the most of everything, and once in a while, maybe spare me a thought and wonder what that kid with the blog is doing right now, or how he's feeling.
posted by pruvaloo at 12:11 PM
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