Last night felt as though the whole world was floating, and I was just letting is wash over me. It was bliss. I'm hoping to experience the same tonight.

It definately feels like change is in the air, for many things. Someone said that change is never easy to accept, but it's nearly always for the best.

I've been thinking about what's going to happen later this year. I think I might like to work in Paris. I'd retrace our steps and pretend everything was ok. Or Germany, I'd like to go back there.

Somewhere out of sigh and out of mind, where I can disappear from people's thoughts and memories until they realise one day that they haven't heard from me in years. But I won't be there any longer and no one will be able to reach me.

I lost my Dad some time ago. But at least he went while he was still pretty young. I think I'd like to be the same. I don't want to be a lonely old man sitting in an empty room just waiting the days out.

I either want to be the happiest I've ever been, or I want to wallow in depression. I can't seem to manage to find a steady middle ground, and any time I do my self destructive stream seams to emerge. You've either got it all or you've got nothing, right? It's not a bad way to think about things, at least it's honest.

None of the men in my family seem to have much luck getting past 75. I figure I'm probably already a third of the way though, if not more. Maybe that's a defeatist attitude, but thats the way I'm looking at things right now.

Good night, god bless

x